Monthly Archives: December 2012

What did you get for Christmas?

Happy Holidays to everyone! The Bulls are getting spanked by the Rockets, so we’re going to soothe the pain by putting up a throw-away post on this blog. It’s the what we got for Christmas list!

Here’s the cool stuff we got:

Akai Katana

xmas1

Bullet hell awesome time from Cave!  This game features boss fights against samurais who summon war trains and battleships in the middle of the proceedings. There weren’t enough bullets on the screen as it was.

DoDonPachi Resurrection

xmas2

More bullet hell awesome time from Cave! Holy business you guys. I’m going to be a manic mess.

Dishonored

xmas3

Assassinating things with magic powers and knives. It’s received nothing but excellent reviews! I’ve heard there’s a system where killing people increases the infection rate of the game’s plague in rats, thereby increasing the infection rate in humans. What a cool hook! The game is hard whether you assassinate people or go all stealth. Also, the protagonist has a cool mask, so that’s nice.

Halo 4

xmas4

Because we love Halo campaigns so much. This one has new enemies in it! It’s exciting to be Master Chief again.

Dial Brand Hello Kitty  body wash

xmas5

It smells fruity, is pink, and has Hello Kitty on. What’s not to like?

Ketel One vodka and orange Crush

xmas6

Class in a glass.

Elgato video capture device

xmas7

We can put our own images and videos on the blog now instead of pirating applicable ones off of Google and YouTube! Exciting. We’re going to video this blog UP. No more promotional photos on this site unless they’re concept art! Everyone wins. Finally, that analysis of Bulletwitch we’ve always wanted to do can become a reality.

That’s our Christmas list. Who else got fly things from Santa?

Advertisements

A Brief Discourse On Being Shot In The Behind

So we’ve been away for awhile because we’ve been intermittently caught in Wisconsin snow storms, wrestling half-digested pieces of shirt from our dog’s bowels, and playing Gears of War 3 on the “Insane” difficulty. We’re here to talk about Gears of War 3 on “Insane” difficulty.

He's cute until he eats your wife's shirt.

He’s cute until he eats your wife’s shirt.

Let’s be clear: Gears of War 3 is real good, and we like it quite a bit. As a person who loves crappy, swear-ridden action movie dialogue and over the top action movie gore, this is some fly business. On to the gameplay, it’s extremely constant throughout, especially on the highest difficulty. Get behind cover and shoot the ugly things. Don’t let the ugly things flank you. That’s pretty much all there is to it. It’s all consistent and nice until you reach the last fight.

SIR1

The last fight is against the queen of the enemy race in Gears called the Locust. She rides a hilariously over-sized beetle that shoots what appear to be high powered UV rays out of his mouth. For the first two thirds of the fight, you just have to dodge the rays by getting behind cover. This is fine. We got through these parts in about twenty minutes, which is acceptable.

War Beetle

War Beetle

We have been working on the final third for an unofficial FOUR HOURS over the last three days. OMG you guys. Awful. This is because of the addition of Theron Guards climbing up the sides of the arena and shooting you in the back from while you’re hiding from the silly beetle. Here’s a video:

We need either sunscreen or invulnerability to bullets. Indeed, we understand what generally needs to be done, and it will be done, but this fight is a complete change to the gameplay introduced over the last 15 minutes of the game. We don’t understand how this a good idea. We’re not game designers here, but we have some solutions. Maybe each cover should only last for three UV blasts. Maybe we have to make sure Marcus is wearing long sleeves and pants before the fight. Perhaps Marcus is revealed to be a vampire and we need to find a coffin to bring along. Something other than don’t get shot in the ass for hiding from the UV beams.

This guard is a terrible asshodle.

The randomness of the guards is what kills the player over and over again. Some fights they won’t hassle the player at all and in others they’ll focus solely on the player character. The destructible cover seen throughout the game is one thing. Even being flanked by spawns of melee enemies behind the player in a firefight is ok because you can back up and deal with the melee enemies before getting back to ranged enemies. But fighting a ranged enemy on high ground and then being flanked by ranged enemies that spawn directly behind you? Not cool man.

SIR4

Queen Myrrah

Thanks for listening. We’re hanging up our grumblepants now.